Cook's Sick! - Mag 296

Joachim Beucklaer, 1560

Sooooo, cook's not well, and they expect me to do the honours for tonight's gathering. I'm not even a kitchen maid! The half-wit boot-boy told the mistress that I could cook, and she believed him.

He thought it greatly amusing. He won't be quite so amused when I get hold of him.

I don't even know what some of this stuff is. I can roast the leg of mutton, and that duck will get its neck wrung very shortly, and I know how to clean that - Uncle Percival does a bit of poaching now and again.

I'm familiar with cabbage, and carrots and peas. That's mostly all we get to eat. Meat makes an appearance in our meals about twice a year if we're lucky. And we never cook fruit - just eat it as it is.

I'm going to have to find cook and get some instructions on all of this. I'll make sure they get plenty of wine and ale before their meal. That way they may not notice if it's not good enough. I need someone to help me, otherwise nothing will be ready on time. There must be a kitchen maid somewhere............

I mean, do I even look like a cook? I don't even own an apron!